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August 1, 2012 / NextStepU

The fascinating Olympic observations of a non-sports enthusiast

It is SO awesome that the Olympics are on during summer vacation this year, especially because it gives me plenty of time to sit in front of the television and ogle at athletes far more in shape than I am. Anyway, since pretty much everyone has been sharing their opinions about the Games, I figured why not jump on the bandwagon and share my VERY exciting thoughts with all of you! (I know you have been waiting anxiously for this to happen).

First though, let me say that I have very little actual sports knowledge. The only sport I can genuinely claim to have knowledge about is field hockey, which I played in high school, so everything else I have opinions about is based purely on candid observation and what the news stations tell me about.

Thank you, Britain-land, for some very interesting Olympics so far

Fascinating observation #1: The Phelps/Lochte rivalry is WAY overdone.

As swimming slowly becomes my new favorite sport (for reasons I’m sure you can imagine), I’m finding that while it’s fascinating to watch human beings who apparently don’t have to breathe compete, the networks at large have decided that’s not good enough entertainment. So of course that dilemma poses only one solution: make a fierce rivalry that may or may not actually exist! Enter: Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte, the most famous swimmers on the American men’s team. I can’t count how many times during their races that the announcers have claimed that “Lochte says this is his year!” or that “Phelps is looking a little less eager than in Beijing!” or some variation of the same. Yeah, yeah I get it; they’re two major players so of course they’re going to be competing with one another. But enough with playing it up already! They’re both crazy good, can probably swim faster than I can drive and are both chiseled like Adonis (not that I noticed). So let them be, I say.

Fascinating observation #2: Gymnasts are not actually people, they are super-human.

Obviously I am kidding. But really, isn’t there some kind of law of physics (or several, actually) that prevents some of those crazy stunts that the gymnasts are doing? For example: the jumping 10 feet in the air, the 18 backflips in a row, the lack of apparent gravity, etc? Regardless, inspired by the incredible talent of our American gymnasts, I decided that now was a good time to bring back the tumbling that I learned in 3rd grade gym class by practicing cartwheels in my backyard. Several weird looks from the neighbors later, (as well as a close call with a bird’s nest) and I have come to the conclusion that I am never attempting any sort of gymnastics again in my life. I’ll leave that to the professionals. Who may or may not be super-human.

Fascinating observation #3: Let’s be honest, Mary Poppins would never win in a fight against Voldemort

The opening ceremony of the London Olympics was something that everyone was talking about from the Queen “jumping” out of a helicopter with James Bond to the return of Mr. Bean, but for me there was nothing more epic than the battle scene between Voldemort and a bunch of Mary Poppins’. While I clearly have no bias in the matter, (except for the fact that Mary Poppins was my most hated movie as a child and Harry Potter is the greatest novel of all time) I found that it was absolutely ridiculous to pair the two together. Yeah I know, it was some scene about different British children’s story characters blah, blah, blah but come on. The greatest Dark Wizard of all time against a singing nanny? As if.

So there you have it! My most fascinating and totally unwarranted observations about the Olympics so far! With about two weeks still left to go, I can only imagine what will happen next.

Until next time, your (part-time) sports enthusiast,



One Comment

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  1. Ethan Hackett / Aug 1 2012 9:37 am

    If you think Mary Poppins was scary before watch this – They recut the original Mary Poppins trailer and turned it into a creepy horror looking movie. I never liked Mary Poppins as a kid either.

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